I believe that the only people who wear sunglasses indoors are blind people and assholes. On the other hand, even blind people and assholes drink beer. Assholes because they're cheap, and blind people because holding a wine glass is probably a logistical nightmare.
However, Coors Light has begun to blatantly discriminate against blind beer drinkers. When they re-introduced hyper-color technology to the 2000 decade with their color-changing beer labels, they forgot that blind people can't see the label. So how do blind people know when their beer is cold?
I'll tell you how. They have to actually touch it. That's right. You see, blind people rely more on their sense of touch. It's like when you're at a concert and you can't hear anything except the music, and you gain a heightened ability to read lips. Or when you have to get up to pee in the middle of the night, and you don't want to turn any lights on, so you gain a heightened awareness of your surroundings by using your sense of touch and feeling your way down the hallway. Blind people rely on senses other than sight all the time.
So when a blind person reaches for a beer, he or she can feel the temperature of the bottle, and in turn determine the approximate temperature of the liquid inside. Science tells us that there are millions of little nerve endings in your fingers. These nerve endings send messages up your arm, through the back of your neck, and into your hypothalamus (broadly termed "the brain"). There, the message is translated into what we "feel." The message might be "ouch!" for too much pain, or "ouch!" for too much pressure, or even "ouch!" for too extreme of a temperature.
Before Coors Light invented the color-changing label, there was absolutely no way of telling whether or not a beer was cold without touching the bottle. Can you imagine? Those were the dark ages. My only wish is that the blind people were not left behind, with only such primitive methods for determining the temperature of their beers. And that assholes would stop wearing sunglasses indoors.
